poem.

your life is your life
don't let it be clubbed into dank
submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is life somewhere.
it may not be much life but
it beats the
darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you
chances.
know them, take them.
you can't beat death but
you can beat death
in life,
sometimes.
and the more often you
learn to do it,
the more light there will
be.
your life is your life.
know while you have
it.
you are marvelous
the gods want to delight
in
you.

"hank".

I don't understand.

I don't understand how I have dedicated my life to helping others, and working to make the world a better place, and then submit myself to the bottom of the barrel income. Why do those who choose other professions, who instead help the economy and contribute to evil capitalism, make so much more money, and therefore have a. more income and flexibility, and b. more social recognition?

ANGRY.

Ideally, I would like to work towards social change, and be able to have the freedom to travel and experience the world at the same time. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

My solution (developed through the help of some serious brainstorming with my good buddy Aaron): Create a vegan cookbook entirely of greasy recipes for hangovers (really, this is a huge problem for me), and make a lot of money so that I can travel all over.

But, not really.

Ann Arbor

My job search is taking me all over the USA, and as graduation approaches, the urgency to find a job increases. Knowing that I MIGHT have to leave Ann Arbor brings up so many feelings of ambivalence. Let's break it down...

I was so over Fort Collins after college, and some what before. I went through my deepest bought of depression my last two years there, and I think a lot of that town reminds me of it, despite how much I generally love it there. The point is, I ran to Michigan. I ran partially because University of Michigan is such an amazing school, and their Social Work program was number 1 in the nation at the time I applied (number 2 to Columbia now), but also because it offered me something new and different, and it was far far away. I needed the change in atmosphere, scenery and culture, and I have been the happiest I have been in awhile here. I have learned and grown SO much as a person. It is completely incredible. Basically, Ann Arbor saved me in so many ways, and I'm not so sure I'm ready to leave quite yet.

6 Things I love about Ann Arbor:
1. The size: I love how small and homey if feels, yet its not too small. It is actually quite perfect.
2. The culture: Ok ok, it has a little bit of the "limousine liberal" feel (sort of like Boulder), but really, it is fantastic. I feel very at ease and comfortable here. Of course, I am an upper-middle class white person, but regardless, it works for me. I love seeing those pride flags on front porches.
3. The people: Mid west accents make me smile. Mid west pride makes me smile. It just makes me smile.
4. My friends: What more can I say? The people I have met here are so caring, warm, intelligent, and accepting. I have found so much of my own inner peace from the wonderful people I have met here.
5. Earthern Jar: www.earthenjar.com. Check it out for yourself.
6. Detroit: I LOVE Detroit. I don't care what people have to say about it. That place is so wonderful. It is unique and fascinating, and it needs so much help.

5 Things I don't love so much about Ann Arbor:
1: Mountains: or the lack there of. I miss them so much.
2. The bitter cold: I didn't know snot could freeze so quickly inside my nostrils...
3: Forests: Ok so yes, Michigan has a lot of wilderness, but its a good few hour drive in the car to see any of it. No more walk outside of my back door. I was so spoiled.
4: Mom and Dad, CO Friends: MISS MISS MISS. I want to be near my parents forever. I don't care how that sounds!
5: College town: Admittedly, there is a lot about living in a college town that I like a lot (never ceases to be entertaining), and I really do appreciate the pride and loyalty that UM fans have, but ick. I'm kind of over it.
6. No New Belgium. UGH- I don't want to talk about it.

So, there you have it. We'll see where I end up in the next couple of months, but if it turns out to be Ann Arbor, I won't be disappointed :)

I leave you with a picture of the little park in our backyard. It has been a bit of a saving grace due to my lack of "real" wilderness :)

The Unknown

So, here I am. In the space between.

I have spent the last 19 years of my life in school. I've had structure, predictability, and comfort. However, in just a few weeks, school will be over and I will officially enter into the realm of the unknown.

In Michigan, I have learned so much about myself and about what I want and need from life. I understand that every thing almost always works out for the best, and that every thing that happens is an opportunity for growth and for change. Although I am terrified of losing the comfort of the known and the predictable, I am also excited to take on the world completely on my own, and to shape my experiences and opportunities in my own way.

I don't know where I will be living, working, and what I will be doing after May 1st, and although that is extremely daunting and pretty terrifying, I'm so anxious to find out!

Stay tuned for the play by play, and of course some thought provoking ramblings.