I woke up today (2-10-12), and the first line I read was, “the more you know about people, the more you realize that the things people do are rarely about you”. I’ve held onto it all day. As people surrounded by other people, and ultimately being self-absorbed, we can unnecessarily, and inaccurately, take so much offense to one another’s daily livings.
The world is vast. So vast, that we forget we aren’t the center. It’s a self-preservation thing I’m guessing, because if we remembered that we aren’t the center, then where would the pleasure be, the pleasure of living our lives as if the world was made for us?
Perhaps, we make the universe. We create it by the relationships we keep, and the relationships we don’t keep. The choices we make, and the choices we don’t make. The things we find meaningful and valuable, and the things we don’t.
The universe is personal.
Be good, be kind, be true.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Friday, August 19, 2011
i delight in you.
We were laying in bed, intertwined. We fit so well together, you and me. Emotionally, physically. Like when you're working on a puzzle, looking for what seems like hours for the right spot, and then you finally find it! It was always there, the perfect fit. The only fit. Snug and tight, right.
I told you that I sometimes wished that I had never met you, so that I never had to lose you. You said that once we are old and senile, it wouldn't matter, because we wouldn't remember one another anyway.
Not true. Our bodies would remember. Our bodies would remember, and they would still ache for one another.
I fear that ache.
But, you've always been the brave one, looking at the world dead in the face. Taking it on with humor, and delight.
I delight in you.
I'll breathe in your warm, soft smell. Listen to your even, calm voice. Watch your kind, handsome face.
Understand your heart.
And know that if I really had never met you, I'd miss you anyway.
I told you that I sometimes wished that I had never met you, so that I never had to lose you. You said that once we are old and senile, it wouldn't matter, because we wouldn't remember one another anyway.
Not true. Our bodies would remember. Our bodies would remember, and they would still ache for one another.
I fear that ache.
But, you've always been the brave one, looking at the world dead in the face. Taking it on with humor, and delight.
I delight in you.
I'll breathe in your warm, soft smell. Listen to your even, calm voice. Watch your kind, handsome face.
Understand your heart.
And know that if I really had never met you, I'd miss you anyway.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Love.
I was asked by a dear, dear friend to read a poem at her wedding. I searched the internet endlessly for a poem that was about, well, love. The perfect love poem. Not too sappy, not too depressing, not too intimate. Funny, but warm-hearted. I mean, love is all of those things, right? So, why then was finding a perfect poem to read so damn difficult?
Looking back, I realize that it was pretty inevitable that my search would lead me to think about my own love. I am undoubtedly deeply, and madly in love. However, I don’t wake up every morning with the sounds of canaries in my ears, or catch myself audibly sighing with a soft grin on my face. Hell, I don’t even usually get butterflies in my stomach when I kiss him. So, what is love then?
I think love is more than just the physical feeling you get with someone. I love Chris because I can say the most outlandish and absurd thing, whether I believe it or not, and he doesn’t judge me. He knows what I’m really saying. I love Chris because I can pee on myself drunk while camping, and he is there to help me change. No shame. I love Chris because just smelling him, or hearing his voice is stronger than any anti-anxiety pill. I love Chris because I quite literally never bore of him, which means a lot if I feel the need to change the arrangement of my furniture practically every month. I love Chris because he constantly challenges me, grows with me.
Yeah, I could live without Chris. Of course I could. Do I want to? Hell no. Not for a minute. Not even for a millisecond.
Love is having that person be a part of you. An emotional, spiritual maybe, part of you.
I also realize that what Chris and I have is extremely rare. For that, I am grateful.
But, I have to question: Do we expect too much out of love? Does society’s endless movies, poems, and fictional books give us too many expectations? Do we spend too much time trying to define love, and to find our perfect, one true love? Maybe, or maybe not. I don’t know. I doubt anyone does. Perhaps I’m just lucky.
Here is the poem I chose to read for those who are interested:
http://wonderingminstrels.blogspot.com/2001/02/true-love-wislawa-szymborska.html
Looking back, I realize that it was pretty inevitable that my search would lead me to think about my own love. I am undoubtedly deeply, and madly in love. However, I don’t wake up every morning with the sounds of canaries in my ears, or catch myself audibly sighing with a soft grin on my face. Hell, I don’t even usually get butterflies in my stomach when I kiss him. So, what is love then?
I think love is more than just the physical feeling you get with someone. I love Chris because I can say the most outlandish and absurd thing, whether I believe it or not, and he doesn’t judge me. He knows what I’m really saying. I love Chris because I can pee on myself drunk while camping, and he is there to help me change. No shame. I love Chris because just smelling him, or hearing his voice is stronger than any anti-anxiety pill. I love Chris because I quite literally never bore of him, which means a lot if I feel the need to change the arrangement of my furniture practically every month. I love Chris because he constantly challenges me, grows with me.
Yeah, I could live without Chris. Of course I could. Do I want to? Hell no. Not for a minute. Not even for a millisecond.
Love is having that person be a part of you. An emotional, spiritual maybe, part of you.
I also realize that what Chris and I have is extremely rare. For that, I am grateful.
But, I have to question: Do we expect too much out of love? Does society’s endless movies, poems, and fictional books give us too many expectations? Do we spend too much time trying to define love, and to find our perfect, one true love? Maybe, or maybe not. I don’t know. I doubt anyone does. Perhaps I’m just lucky.
Here is the poem I chose to read for those who are interested:
http://wonderingminstrels.blogspot.com/2001/02/true-love-wislawa-szymborska.html
Monday, February 21, 2011
My Open Letter to the Jolly Pumpkin
Dear Jolly Pumpkin,
I am a vegan, and as a vegan, it is often very difficult to find a nice and fun place to eat. Although Ann Arbor is conveniently pretty "veg friendly", I am still constantly searching for delicious vegan food. I thought Jolly Pumpkin was one of the few places that offered a wide selection of vegan choices, until today. I was heart broken today. Let me tell you about it...
We began visiting Jolly Pumpkin as soon as the Ann Arbor location was open. We are HUGE lovers of beer, and your beer is honestly delicious. The restaurant ambiance is lovely, and the service is always friendly. Being vegan, I tried all of the 2 sandwiches that could easily be made vegan, and honestly i wasn't extremely impressed. Next, I tried a salad, and let me tell you, it is such a bummer (and almost offensive) for a vegan to be offered a SALAD for dinner. I like more than a plate of lettuce for dinner.
I brought this up to a server several months ago, and he mentioned the soy cheese options for the pizza. I told him that not all soy cheeses were vegan (in fact, most aren't) and he ASSURED me that it was. He told our table several stories to assure us, including one about a customer asking about gluten free bread and being paranoid about it even when he assured them, AND about the owner of Jolly Pumpkin being vegan, so OF COURSE the soy cheese was vegan. I WAS ELATED!! Especially upon consuming the pizza and finding it delicious. I craved it. I couldn't believe what i was eating, especially being a food snob and a passionate cook. I tried to create it at home, and never could. I even asked where the cheese was from, and was told a local market in Detroit. I asked a few more times upon going to Jolly Pumpkin, just to make sure. I was reassured 2 more times that the soy cheese was in fact vegan. Magic. I was an addict. Jolly Pumpkin was in our plans at least once a week (no joke).
Until today. Remember when I said I was heart broken? When ordering, I was told that the soy cheese WASN'T VEGAN. CRUSHED. I told our server how disappointing that was, especially since I asked several times in the past, and was continually reassured. She apologized and offered some of the other sub par vegan selections (as previously explained) and I picked the pita and dip for an appetizer (minus the edamame which as you know isn't vegan but also very misleading since soy beans are always a safe go to for vegans). I felt like walking out. I really did. I almost did, even. I felt betrayed and disappointed.
But, this story has a happy ending. Our server, Holly, was lovely. She apologized several times, and then took all of our food off of our bill, leaving the delicious beers. I was happy to pay for the beers, of course, and left the restaurant in a much better mood. At least Holly understood how crappy of a situation that was for me.
I won't come back to Jolly Pumpkin for food. :( It makes me sad to say that, but I would rather spend the money on real vegan food, like at Sevas, Jazzy Veggie, or Earthen Jar. I'll come back for the beer of course, but not as frequently. Just trying to be honest here.
Sorry for the long email. I felt like i needed my betrayal to be heard. It's a good thing being vegan is a moral issue for me, and not a health one, because this story could have been a lot different for the both of us.
I plead with you to get some vegan cheese for the pizzas. I think it would be delicious. Until then, at least train every server to be as in-tuned to vegan lifestyles as Holly so that they ask questions when ordering, and are able to properly answer customer questions. Maybe label menus better too, so that it is more clear for us vegan folk. Also, more vegan options would be swell. Vegans like beer and fun too, you know.
Thanks for listening, Jolly Pumpkin. I still love you, just not as much.
Oh, and say thanks again to Holly for me.
I am a vegan, and as a vegan, it is often very difficult to find a nice and fun place to eat. Although Ann Arbor is conveniently pretty "veg friendly", I am still constantly searching for delicious vegan food. I thought Jolly Pumpkin was one of the few places that offered a wide selection of vegan choices, until today. I was heart broken today. Let me tell you about it...
We began visiting Jolly Pumpkin as soon as the Ann Arbor location was open. We are HUGE lovers of beer, and your beer is honestly delicious. The restaurant ambiance is lovely, and the service is always friendly. Being vegan, I tried all of the 2 sandwiches that could easily be made vegan, and honestly i wasn't extremely impressed. Next, I tried a salad, and let me tell you, it is such a bummer (and almost offensive) for a vegan to be offered a SALAD for dinner. I like more than a plate of lettuce for dinner.
I brought this up to a server several months ago, and he mentioned the soy cheese options for the pizza. I told him that not all soy cheeses were vegan (in fact, most aren't) and he ASSURED me that it was. He told our table several stories to assure us, including one about a customer asking about gluten free bread and being paranoid about it even when he assured them, AND about the owner of Jolly Pumpkin being vegan, so OF COURSE the soy cheese was vegan. I WAS ELATED!! Especially upon consuming the pizza and finding it delicious. I craved it. I couldn't believe what i was eating, especially being a food snob and a passionate cook. I tried to create it at home, and never could. I even asked where the cheese was from, and was told a local market in Detroit. I asked a few more times upon going to Jolly Pumpkin, just to make sure. I was reassured 2 more times that the soy cheese was in fact vegan. Magic. I was an addict. Jolly Pumpkin was in our plans at least once a week (no joke).
Until today. Remember when I said I was heart broken? When ordering, I was told that the soy cheese WASN'T VEGAN. CRUSHED. I told our server how disappointing that was, especially since I asked several times in the past, and was continually reassured. She apologized and offered some of the other sub par vegan selections (as previously explained) and I picked the pita and dip for an appetizer (minus the edamame which as you know isn't vegan but also very misleading since soy beans are always a safe go to for vegans). I felt like walking out. I really did. I almost did, even. I felt betrayed and disappointed.
But, this story has a happy ending. Our server, Holly, was lovely. She apologized several times, and then took all of our food off of our bill, leaving the delicious beers. I was happy to pay for the beers, of course, and left the restaurant in a much better mood. At least Holly understood how crappy of a situation that was for me.
I won't come back to Jolly Pumpkin for food. :( It makes me sad to say that, but I would rather spend the money on real vegan food, like at Sevas, Jazzy Veggie, or Earthen Jar. I'll come back for the beer of course, but not as frequently. Just trying to be honest here.
Sorry for the long email. I felt like i needed my betrayal to be heard. It's a good thing being vegan is a moral issue for me, and not a health one, because this story could have been a lot different for the both of us.
I plead with you to get some vegan cheese for the pizzas. I think it would be delicious. Until then, at least train every server to be as in-tuned to vegan lifestyles as Holly so that they ask questions when ordering, and are able to properly answer customer questions. Maybe label menus better too, so that it is more clear for us vegan folk. Also, more vegan options would be swell. Vegans like beer and fun too, you know.
Thanks for listening, Jolly Pumpkin. I still love you, just not as much.
Oh, and say thanks again to Holly for me.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
poem.
your life is your life
don't let it be clubbed into dank
submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is life somewhere.
it may not be much life but
it beats the
darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you
chances.
know them, take them.
you can't beat death but
you can beat death
in life,
sometimes.
and the more often you
learn to do it,
the more light there will
be.
your life is your life.
know while you have
it.
you are marvelous
the gods want to delight
in
you.
"hank".
don't let it be clubbed into dank
submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is life somewhere.
it may not be much life but
it beats the
darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you
chances.
know them, take them.
you can't beat death but
you can beat death
in life,
sometimes.
and the more often you
learn to do it,
the more light there will
be.
your life is your life.
know while you have
it.
you are marvelous
the gods want to delight
in
you.
"hank".
Monday, June 14, 2010
I don't understand.
I don't understand how I have dedicated my life to helping others, and working to make the world a better place, and then submit myself to the bottom of the barrel income. Why do those who choose other professions, who instead help the economy and contribute to evil capitalism, make so much more money, and therefore have a. more income and flexibility, and b. more social recognition?
ANGRY.
Ideally, I would like to work towards social change, and be able to have the freedom to travel and experience the world at the same time. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.
My solution (developed through the help of some serious brainstorming with my good buddy Aaron): Create a vegan cookbook entirely of greasy recipes for hangovers (really, this is a huge problem for me), and make a lot of money so that I can travel all over.
But, not really.
ANGRY.
Ideally, I would like to work towards social change, and be able to have the freedom to travel and experience the world at the same time. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.
My solution (developed through the help of some serious brainstorming with my good buddy Aaron): Create a vegan cookbook entirely of greasy recipes for hangovers (really, this is a huge problem for me), and make a lot of money so that I can travel all over.
But, not really.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Ann Arbor
My job search is taking me all over the USA, and as graduation approaches, the urgency to find a job increases. Knowing that I MIGHT have to leave Ann Arbor brings up so many feelings of ambivalence. Let's break it down...
I was so over Fort Collins after college, and some what before. I went through my deepest bought of depression my last two years there, and I think a lot of that town reminds me of it, despite how much I generally love it there. The point is, I ran to Michigan. I ran partially because University of Michigan is such an amazing school, and their Social Work program was number 1 in the nation at the time I applied (number 2 to Columbia now), but also because it offered me something new and different, and it was far far away. I needed the change in atmosphere, scenery and culture, and I have been the happiest I have been in awhile here. I have learned and grown SO much as a person. It is completely incredible. Basically, Ann Arbor saved me in so many ways, and I'm not so sure I'm ready to leave quite yet.
6 Things I love about Ann Arbor:
1. The size: I love how small and homey if feels, yet its not too small. It is actually quite perfect.
2. The culture: Ok ok, it has a little bit of the "limousine liberal" feel (sort of like Boulder), but really, it is fantastic. I feel very at ease and comfortable here. Of course, I am an upper-middle class white person, but regardless, it works for me. I love seeing those pride flags on front porches.
3. The people: Mid west accents make me smile. Mid west pride makes me smile. It just makes me smile.
4. My friends: What more can I say? The people I have met here are so caring, warm, intelligent, and accepting. I have found so much of my own inner peace from the wonderful people I have met here.
5. Earthern Jar: www.earthenjar.com. Check it out for yourself.
6. Detroit: I LOVE Detroit. I don't care what people have to say about it. That place is so wonderful. It is unique and fascinating, and it needs so much help.
5 Things I don't love so much about Ann Arbor:
1: Mountains: or the lack there of. I miss them so much.
2. The bitter cold: I didn't know snot could freeze so quickly inside my nostrils...
3: Forests: Ok so yes, Michigan has a lot of wilderness, but its a good few hour drive in the car to see any of it. No more walk outside of my back door. I was so spoiled.
4: Mom and Dad, CO Friends: MISS MISS MISS. I want to be near my parents forever. I don't care how that sounds!
5: College town: Admittedly, there is a lot about living in a college town that I like a lot (never ceases to be entertaining), and I really do appreciate the pride and loyalty that UM fans have, but ick. I'm kind of over it.
6. No New Belgium. UGH- I don't want to talk about it.
So, there you have it. We'll see where I end up in the next couple of months, but if it turns out to be Ann Arbor, I won't be disappointed :)
I leave you with a picture of the little park in our backyard. It has been a bit of a saving grace due to my lack of "real" wilderness :)
I was so over Fort Collins after college, and some what before. I went through my deepest bought of depression my last two years there, and I think a lot of that town reminds me of it, despite how much I generally love it there. The point is, I ran to Michigan. I ran partially because University of Michigan is such an amazing school, and their Social Work program was number 1 in the nation at the time I applied (number 2 to Columbia now), but also because it offered me something new and different, and it was far far away. I needed the change in atmosphere, scenery and culture, and I have been the happiest I have been in awhile here. I have learned and grown SO much as a person. It is completely incredible. Basically, Ann Arbor saved me in so many ways, and I'm not so sure I'm ready to leave quite yet.
6 Things I love about Ann Arbor:
1. The size: I love how small and homey if feels, yet its not too small. It is actually quite perfect.
2. The culture: Ok ok, it has a little bit of the "limousine liberal" feel (sort of like Boulder), but really, it is fantastic. I feel very at ease and comfortable here. Of course, I am an upper-middle class white person, but regardless, it works for me. I love seeing those pride flags on front porches.
3. The people: Mid west accents make me smile. Mid west pride makes me smile. It just makes me smile.
4. My friends: What more can I say? The people I have met here are so caring, warm, intelligent, and accepting. I have found so much of my own inner peace from the wonderful people I have met here.
5. Earthern Jar: www.earthenjar.com. Check it out for yourself.
6. Detroit: I LOVE Detroit. I don't care what people have to say about it. That place is so wonderful. It is unique and fascinating, and it needs so much help.
5 Things I don't love so much about Ann Arbor:
1: Mountains: or the lack there of. I miss them so much.
2. The bitter cold: I didn't know snot could freeze so quickly inside my nostrils...
3: Forests: Ok so yes, Michigan has a lot of wilderness, but its a good few hour drive in the car to see any of it. No more walk outside of my back door. I was so spoiled.
4: Mom and Dad, CO Friends: MISS MISS MISS. I want to be near my parents forever. I don't care how that sounds!
5: College town: Admittedly, there is a lot about living in a college town that I like a lot (never ceases to be entertaining), and I really do appreciate the pride and loyalty that UM fans have, but ick. I'm kind of over it.
6. No New Belgium. UGH- I don't want to talk about it.
So, there you have it. We'll see where I end up in the next couple of months, but if it turns out to be Ann Arbor, I won't be disappointed :)
I leave you with a picture of the little park in our backyard. It has been a bit of a saving grace due to my lack of "real" wilderness :)
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